30 July 2007


As the summer is quickly coming to a close, I guess I could update this thing one last time.

I'm really not too sure how I feel right now. I'm no longer upset, lonely, confused, but rather indifferent about everything. I've been existing and nothing more - and I don't know if that should bother me more than feeling as I did for the past few months. Should it? Where has my passion for life gone? I'm hoping that it will return with the beginning of classes - once I get back into a routine. The summers are so lazy and seem to have no goal, no point, no purpose. And to that extent I find no comfort in them. Instead of finding rest I feel restless, trapped, nervous. Perhaps I'll take summer classes next year to help assuage my longing for structure.

Band, in one form or another, is slowly chipping away at my time. I've been a happier person since the beginning of band season. The guard is doing well and I predict that we will have a decent season - the guard at least. The band has a LONG way to go. These kids need to learn what intonation is... And how to play loud with a nice, supported and IN TUNE sound. But then again, I'm not on staff for the band, so I'll stick to the guard.

In addition to Corydon, DCI has been taking up some time. DCI Indy was this past weekend. I was nice to see the corps finally perform all of their shows. Phantom has the best horn line I've ever heard... What I would give to have that dark, rich sound... The Cavies guard was amazing, as per usual - though I could be a bit biased. I'll be traveling soon out to California to see DCI World Finals in Pasadena. I can't wait! I've never been that far west, nor have I ever seen the Pacific Ocean. Joyce and I have decided to spend at least one evening at Venice Beach, and I'm sure Charles will beg to go there before we leave.

One thing that hasn't occupied as much time as I wish is reading. I've done almost no reading this summer. I was hoping to have read at least four novels and a number of non-fiction articles this summer, but alas... I was lazy. I'm working on the new Harry Potter book, though I'm feeling a serious lack of motivation to read it. Perhaps on the plane to CA I'll finish it. I need to finish Angels in America before the start of the semester, as I'm sure it will play into several of the classes I'm taking this fall.

I guess this is it for now. I hope to update on a more regular basis now... The whole routine thing again...

05 July 2007

Function Lust

A few years back I received an album from my horn professor entitled "Function Lust." I've always been slightly put off by the title, know full well the implications of the word "lust." Yet now as I grow older, I think I'm beginning to understand that part of the human soul that the horn player was trying to explore, that pure joy that comes from performing an action, over and over again, perfecting one's execution with each repetition.

This Function Lust becomes and all-consuming passion. We've all experienced it - you might have loved to play basketball or create something from paper and glue. But what about those obsessions that last into adulthood? These actions as object are what is meant by Function Lust. And as adults, we can let the action replace what was once gained from performing the action, that is we lose sight of the action's original purpose.

In most cases, this Function Lust began as something that helped us escape the quotidian, the mundane. And perhaps this activity was supposed to enrich us and those around us. But when is it that one crosses the line from helpful and health activity into Function Lust? It is my belief that the line of Function Lust is crossed when one neglects either themselves or the people around them, or both.

This is what I'm afraid I see in some people close to me. And once healthy activity quickly transforming into Function Lust. And it breaks my heart that one day they will be faced with the decision feeding their Function Lust, or keeping the ones they love. To me it is obvious what one should choose - people should always win over objects, but sadly Function Lust can become so powerful that many of the people who suffer from it will be blinded and choose to continue their passion, rather than continue to love the people that should mean the most to them.

This is simply an obersvation: nothing more. I wish I knew how to correct this issue, knowing that even talking about an affected person will more than likely result in feelings of contempt... May both our mind and our spirit within us dwell as one, making one music as before...

But vaster...