It seems that things are finally looking up.
Or perhaps just not so bleak.
I feel awful, but my current state of mind stems partly from my ability to take part in the consumerism of this country: I've spent well over $100 today, and I've yet to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And what's more, most of this money has been spent on products for me. Not things like food or gas; we're talking hair products, soaps, a haircut, etc... But at least I feel better now about me and my self-image than I have in some months. I was ready for a change.
I need to take better care of myself. It's when I let myself go that I feel the worst.
I know it's cliche, but I've once again found that, when a door closes, another opens. This semester has been the end of much drama and it feels that I'm finally seeing the end of all the pressure, pain and confusion I've felt. The sky is clearing; the rain is subsiding and the summer sun is rising. If anything, I see my goals are finally being realized, that I can learn to forgive myself and the individuals who have caused me much grief. But more importantly, it's time to set new goals, to once again revision my future, whatever that may entail. I'm happy to be moving on, to finally have some sort of reason to pick myself up. I'm happy that I'm once again finding a reason to believe in humanity, to hope in the individuals around me.
I'm back on track. And it makes me smile. See... :-)
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